A friend of mine whom I’ve kept in contact with over text message (we live in different countries) does not believe the Covid-19 pandemic is real. He is taking precautions and practicing social distancing, but he told me that he believes Covid-19 is a political, worldwide hoax to control people. I was flabbergasted to hear this. I tried to explain to him that the disease is no hoax: I know doctors fighting it, I know people who have contracted the virus and so on. But nothing has persuaded him.
Should I cut off my relationship with him or continue to talk to him? It is exhausting to argue with someone who believes in a conspiracy theory. I don’t feel I would lose much by cutting off ties with him, but how much of a responsibility do I have to make him understand the truth? It feels bigger than just our relationship. Name Withheld
Your friend believes in an astonishingly complex conspiracy. It would involve a secret deal between Donald Trump and Xi Jinping and dozens of other political leaders on every habitable continent — people who haven’t managed to coordinate their plans on lots of other important matters, like climate change. It would involve doctors in Geneva at the World Health Organization, in Atlanta at the C.D.C. and in hospitals all around the world conspiring with data scientists at Johns Hopkins to produce a fantastic flow of fake information. Or, if your friend thinks that everything those politicians and scientists and health workers appear to be saying is itself made up, it would require an even more amazing capacity on someone’s part to control the media and the internet. And what possible purpose could it serve? You might as well propose that we are all living in the Matrix — though if we are, it isn’t just the pandemic that’s imaginary.
Now, I suppose that there’s a remote possibility that your friend suffers from clinical paranoia and needs professional help. If that’s what’s going on, there’s little you can do from over here. No harm in keeping in touch, but no point in exploring his delusions, either.
More than a few people believe some version of what your friend believes, however, and mostly, they’re not suffering from psychiatric difficulties. Instead, they’ve joined one of the self-reinforcing cohorts of the collectively unhinged, which have become especially salient in the era of social media. The pathology there is not individual but social. And if that’s what’s going on, there’s something to be said for telling him that you hope he’ll continue to take those precautions but that you’re not willing to waste time arguing with him. Losing your friendship might give him more pause than any possible arguments.
I’m doing my best to avoid social contact, along with two other members of my household. We have sufficient supplies for a month. Despite that, one member insists on going out for trivial reasons, such as not liking the kind of apples we have. He’s 92. I’ve tried explaining and cajoling, using graphs and anecdotes to make the danger to all of us seem “real.” It doesn’t take. His risk of death is many times greater than mine, and he’s poking holes in a lifeboat we all have to rely on. What is the correct path? Name Withheld
Staying at home is something you do as a domestic unit, and it won’t work if one member of every household feels free to come and go as he or she pleases. The additional risks may not be very great if your nonagenarian’s trips involve proper distancing, proper hand-washing, wearing a cloth mask (which, among other things, would reduce the chance of his touching his face), choosing an hour when the store is least crowded and so on. But someone who can’t grasp what’s wrong with going out for trivial reasons can’t be trusted to maintain the necessary precautions.
Given that you can’t lock him in or kick him out, you might see what can be done to address his needs. If he agrees not to go to the store himself, you can make a list of the things he wants and agree to go buy them yourself; you can practice the necessary safety measures more reliably than he might. But it may be that he’s just feeling stir crazy. If that’s the issue, perhaps you can arrange to go with him on walks in places where there are few people around (taking note of the C.D.C.’s current recommendations concerning the use of cloth masks in public). What you can responsibly do, of course, will depend on the conditions and the rules where you are.
I work as a journalist, but several years ago I got my E.M.T. license. I’ve let it lapse, but I’m certain I could put my skills to good use during this pandemic. I live in a New York City apartment with my 60-year-old husband and 20-year-old daughter (whose college closed). My mother-in-law, who is 85, lives across the hall. We see her multiple times a day. She’s in excellent health but also at high risk for becoming very, very ill — and possibly dying — if infected with the coronavirus. Despite all the precautions health care workers take, they are at high risk for getting or transmitting the virus. Should I protect my family by not volunteering, or should I use my training to help my community during this crisis? Name Withheld
Early in April, an emergency alert on many New Yorkers’ cellphones announced: “Attention all health care workers: New York City is seeking licensed health care workers to support health care facilities in need.” The mayor suggested at the time that we needed an additional 45,000 of them to get through the crisis. The New York City Medical Reserve Corps, part of the city’s Department of Health, has a “help now” button on the city’s website that allows you to register with your qualifications. To be considered, though, you must not have any chronic health conditions, and you must be under 50. If you’re about the same age as your husband, you’re probably ineligible.
Suppose, though, that you weren’t. What’s reasonable to do in circumstances like yours depends on the details of your situation. How would your mother-in-law feel about moving into your apartment, for example, while you moved into hers? This would allow you to limit your contact with your family and permit you to see them in your own apartment only with the proper precautions — precautions that you, as a trained E.M.T., will be aware of and able to manage.
The general point is this: In balancing your duties to your family members against the value of contributing your skills to your community in a time of need, you need to consult with them about what risks and inconveniences they are willing to bear. You can’t get the risks to your family down to zero — that’s true whether or not you sign up to be a volunteer E.M.T. But keeping the risks as low as you can would be a group effort, not just an individual one. By the same token, if you were to sign up, it would be not just you but your whole family who would be helping to serve your city.
