Man’s sister refuses to see his girlfriend, who had the virus,
or even him.
DEAR ABBY: I am a nurse in New York City. My
boyfriend lives in Philadelphia. During the height of the pandemic,
we didn’t see each other because I worked on a COVID unit and
contracted the virus. His sister became very controlling and kept
urging him not to see me, which brought me great pain. I was
extremely lonely, and for months, the only people I saw were my
co-workers.
At the end of May, my boyfriend and I began seeing each other
regularly. Because he sees me, his sister refuses to see him, which
makes me very sad. His mother died two years ago.
When his family tries to plan things, his sister either comes
late or doesn’t show up. If I’m invited, she says she doesn’t
want to be in the same room as me. I spend a lot of time with my
boyfriend and his older father, who he now lives with. His father
has never expressed that he feels uncomfortable around me.
I feel like we have to plan things around this sister. I want my
boyfriend to spend time with his family, but she’s extremely
controlling when everyone else in the family seems excited to see
me. What do I do? — UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION
DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: I am assuming that if you
are again working that you are tested regularly for COVID and
therefore in no danger of giving the virus to anyone. Because there
has been so much misinformation spread during the pandemic, many
people are being extremely cautious — and rightfully so.
If you had a good relationship with your boyfriend’s sister
before the pandemic began, recognize that she acts the way she does
because she’s afraid for her life, so stop personalizing it and
judging her for it. She has a right to protect herself, even if it
seems irrational to you.
DEAR ABBY: As a grandparent, I feel the
Christmas gift my husband and I received last year from our
granddaughter was a gift of a lifetime. We have enjoyed it all
year. It was a gift of memories, written on 12 cards to be opened
on the first day of each month. She had inserted each card into an
individual envelope, designated with which month it was to be
opened. She put them in a box wrapped with a bow and placed it
under the tree.
The excitement generated while anxiously awaiting a new
month’s arrival so the new memory could be read created
enthusiasm among the entire family. In each envelope were
experiences we had forgotten or never realized had made an impact
on her life.
A gift like this requires only time and 12 pieces of paper. The
concept could even be reversed so it would be from grandparent to
grandchild. Few of us grandparents need material gifts, but the
caring, thought and love shown by this gift will remain with us all
our lives. — WANTED TO SHARE, FRESNO, CALIF.
DEAR WANTED TO SHARE: What a precious gift. I
have long advocated that the most meaningful gift we can give each
other is the gift of self, in the form of time, attention, a
handwritten letter or a phone call. Your granddaughter’s concept
of a “Memory of the Month Club” was ingenious. I congratulate
her for it, and I hope it inspires others.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne
Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact
Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA
90069.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist
and a more sociable person, order “How to Be Popular.” Send
your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8
(U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447,
Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in
the price.)
